• Tara x

How to be your own best friend without alienating others.

For years I build my life around what others needed and what they had in regards to friendships and friendship groups. In reality the want I had for solid , trusted friendships was never going to happen unless I became my own best friend first.

This was a mixture of a lot of life changes across different areas in my life and it was something I wanted to do. I felt as though I was either attracted to the wrong friendships of I just put little thought into them and in the end I always ended up feeling very confused and hurt. Now, let's make this clear! I wasn't the victim, rather than I was just in the wrong friendships for me.

Learning to love yourself first can be very daunting and to be honest on social media I personally feel as though it is centered around body image as the main factor. For me it was how I felt, being more self aware and learning to set boundaries with myself. Not for the benefit of others, but realizing very early on into knowing people, that they just were not my type of person and that wasn't their fault. It was just how it was.

I listen to friends over the year continually being hurt by the same circumstances and people and it is only now that I have learnt that it is our responsibility to take ownership of this and not the fault of others. We are never trapped in situations, we do have choices and I know that will be hard to hear for many. I now take accountability and no longer blame others for how they treat me.

So, the fun and interesting part.

Here are my top tips for learning to be your best friend. Let's see how happier you become by doing these small things for yourself each day or week.

Buy yourself flowers.

If you follow me online you will be aware that I buy myself flowers each week and dot them all over my home. The reason is because years ago I assumed if you were a good enough friend or partner then it would be expected you would receive them as gifts. Rarely did I get any and this actually disappointed me a lot. Imagine I put so much pressure on myself over a bunch of flowers. Society makes us believe if we are special we receive flowers. So now each week or two I buy myself flowers. It is no longer a high expectation I have of others but a treat to myself. You can buy them anywhere. I love Aldi, but just make sure you go early on Thursday or else the other days they are all wilted and not as fresh, depending on the store. Otherwise if you would like to receive them you can order a subscription from https://bouquetbox.ie/

Find your type

I have rules with this one and I'm going to list them and hopefully it will help you to.

If they make me feel uncomfortable more than one then that's not my type.

If they judge others too much then that is not my type.

If everything is an issue, not my type.

If they don't take responsibility for themselves and expect others to, nope not my type.

If I can laugh freely then they are my type.

If I feel safe that I can talk about anything, my type.

If they respect my personal boundaries....my type.

This might sound harsh, but I don't make allowances on the above. These are my protection so that I don't fall into bouts of depression and also so that I don't feel uncomfortable around people. I have no problem saying it but staying in a toxic environment whether it is family, friendships or relationships can be very overwhelming on your mental health over time.

Journaling to become more self aware.

This one is no secret to anyone , but what you mightn't know is that it has been my anchor in getting to know who I am, what I want in life and where I want to go....and who will join me.

I spent years frustrated and asking myself is it me? Is there something wrong with me that I don't feel happy in certain situations and with particular people.

Through journaling each day I have learnt soo much about myself and also I have learnt to be happier with who I am because incredible things happen when you are true to yourself and know what you want.

I hope you enjoyed those quick tips and I know I could write a million more.

So until next time, take care and look after YOURSELF first.

Tara x

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