The Elephant in the room!
This blog post was written on May 16th 2020 . Reading it back now I am in awe at how much it resonated with me, this change i went through. It is now August 30th 2020 and I have since then, done 2 online courses, printed another journal, I have 7 more products being designed and I set up my second business The Collective Agency. That late night typing this post below really was the catalyst for me.
It's Saturday 16th May and we are currently after reaching the first stage of easing the restrictions re Covid-19.
This blog has been on my mind for a while, but on social media it's the elephant in the room so I was unsure. It's like we are all living this, but let's not talk about it.
So, I'm going to talk about how I have felt during this really strange and surreal time.
Would you believe I can't really remember the week this first started. I remember the schools announcing closure and it seemed very abrupt at the time because we really didn't know the extent of what was happening. I genuinely believe that the first 2 weeks we all went into panic mode. It happened overnight and all of a sudden we had to completely readjust our whole lives. For me there wasn't much adjusting as I am a single mother and work from home so my social outings were very few and far between anyway.
What I do remember is how social media exploded with a sense of "What do we do now?". How can I survive online without events, dinners, fashion shots outside and surely to god I can't show off this seasons glam wear now!! So everyone went into Mary Berry mode and we all became top bakers, gardeners, DIY hack experts.
I had felt more relaxed until the internet exploded with comparisons of who could add more ingredients into a banana bread and make it look insta worthy. I hadn't thought much about how social media had affected me until we went into lock down. There was a definite sense of relief that I didn't feel the need to meet people all the time, which made me able to go about my days a lot calmer and take my time. But then all of a sudden I can honestly say social media made me anxious.
I started for the first time in a long time, to compare myself and question myself. Why can't I have the energy they have? My kids won't do any schoolwork, what am I doing wrong? Frantically searching YouTube for easy ways to renovate my house on a budget so I wouldn't feel like this time was wasted. I had people coming at me from every angle saying " Tara this is your time to sell, sell, sell." It felt unbelievably uncomfortable. It was going against everything I had worked on with myself.
So, I had to catch myself. Really catch myself because I knew that if this was starting to make me anxious and the whole world is in panic then what would I be left with. Years of working on myself, overcoming so much, for what? To fall down a whole of pressure and comparison?
I made a pact with myself. In this time, all I was going to do was thrive to become more of who I really am. I was going to sit with myself more often and ask myself. Is this what I really want? Do I want to be the person who would sell her soul because it's good timing? Good timing? The world is in a pandemic, not a hope! I set this business up for me. My passion everyday was to help others. I wasn't going against that. So I decided that social media would take more of a back burner and would be depending on what I was doing that day and how I was feeling. I was busy enough with 3 kids and orders had gone up so I wanted to continue doing the work I loved.
I had to be kinder to myself and say " Hang on now one second Tara, you don't like banana bread, you can't paint to save your life and you don't push products, that's why I have this business so I could ease off pushy selling"
I decided I was going to make it my business each day to explore more of what I love and push myself to do those things. So I could go to bed at night with compassion for myself instead of comparing myself.
I looked at what I can do each day rather than what I should do!
I truly believe that Covid-19 will be the catalyst that I needed in my life. Now, I'm not saying there was anything wrong with my life before this, I'm just saying I think this was the final push I needed to really show who I am, to myself, my friends, family and anyone else that I meet.
I have always put pressure on myself to do more and now I do what feels best for me.
I started doing a private course online so I could be kinder to myself and not be so judgmental about how I look or do I fit in. My routine changed so I decided that each day if myself an my boys were happy, then that's all that matters. I started exploring new places and we love going for long walks together. My children and I have started playing games that I used to play as a child. I'm learning more about my children by educating them. Some days we do school work and some days we have fun all day. I don't beat myself up over either. No day is wasted.
If I don't go online for a day and lose sales then I don't worry. I've probably had a full day gardening so I take that as my win. There's no pressure.
I don't think anymore about when this will be over. It is was it is and today is a new day and that is my only focus. Tomorrow is a whole 24hrs away, I don't need to worry about that.
So what's my point of this blog?
My point is that for once can we all be kinder on ourselves right now? That might sound like I make it easy, but we do have the choice to start? We can start to be kinder to ourselves.
I also want you to know that we all have absolutely horrible worrying feelings some days. I do and when or if that happens I sit back and do what I know will make me feel better.
The only competition you set yourself up for is between you and yourself. What other people do is just there way of coping, so be mindful of that to.
This will end!We have done so well already and I am incredibly proud each day of how our country has managed. What will happen afterwards, if we don't look after our minds right now, that's what frightens me.
Look after yourself first and be kind to You.